


For I Will be Here, Waiting for Eternity (I Have Regrets)

by vvhale



Category: Chinese Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, But maybe not, M/M, Pining Yi Bo, Possibly Unrequited Love, Romance, Slice of Life, Weddings, Xiao Zhan in a suit, Yi Bo in a suit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21807313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvhale/pseuds/vvhale
Summary: Yi Bo has been in love with Xiao Zhan for years. When he is asked to be Xiao Zhan's best man, will he finally confess his feelings before it is too late?
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan
Comments: 30
Kudos: 164





	1. Yellow

**Author's Note:**

> Dearest readers, 
> 
> I cannot pull myself from this duo's hellhole (save me)... I was going to make this a one-shot but I couldn't bring myself to write a 3000+ word fiction in one sitting (yes, I am weak). Therefore, the story will be divided into three parts. Also, I love angst, so it is an angst galore; forgive me. The title is taken from the lyrics of Xiao Zhan's favourite song, 'If I Were Young' by Li Ronghao, and Lan Zhan's famous line in The Untamed. 
> 
> Edit: The 'canola field' encounter in 2017 did take place in rl; I saw a photo of both during the filming. Sources did say that the bag YB wore in the photo belonged to XZ, but this is not official. 
> 
> Okay, please enjoy your stay and tell me what you think!
> 
> Ta!  
> vvhale

In his slight reverie, he dreamed of the translucent petals of the canola flowers flittering in the cool breeze. He was swimming in a sea of gold, enveloped in the gentle lull of the rustling leaves, and then he sees _him._ The wind was blowing his open, white shirt into wings that soared towards the seamless, blue sky above.

“ _Zhan-ge!”_ he called, running towards the other. The distance between them seemed to grow further and further and yet, his legs beat onwards despite the sharp pain in his chest. Beads of sweat mottled his forehead and neck like a constellation of stars. Finally, his pale fingers found a firm shoulder and the figure twirled around. The initial expression of confusion that etched on their face gradually softened into a familiar, wide smile.

“Who are you?”

The three words punctured holes through his heart.

“It’s me… Yi Bo,” he stammered, breathless, defeated.

“Ah, you’re the one who borrowed my bag for the filming!” Xiao Zhan exclaimed, gesturing his slender finger towards the thick, black straps that rested on Yi Bo’s lean shoulders, attached to an oversized grey bag.

“ _Nice to meet you._ _I’m Xiao Zhan_ ,” he said, his arm extending through the open space.

_**Before their hands could find a home in each other, the melody of Liang Bo’s Nan Hai resonated in Yi Bo’s ears, peeling away the fabric of dream.** _

With eyes half-shut, he reached over with a slight groan and allowed his slender fingers to rummage the bedside table for his mobile phone. Finally, he found the source of the sound. Sailing the liminal space between dream and reality, his trembling finger swiped the green button with much difficulty and then, he pressed the cold surface to his ear.

“Wang Yi Bo! Where are you?” a low voice bellowed through the speaker which made him flinch; his head throbbed with a dull pain.

The impatient tone could belong to no other than Wang Zhuo Cheng, his co-star from the drama _The Untamed_ from three summers ago. While their meet-ups had been sporadic due to their busy work schedules, there was something about that project and its people that still holds a special place in Yi Bo’s heart.

“Ge… I just woke up,” he replied, struggling to form sounds through his parched throat.

“Get up you fool! You need to be at Xiao Zhan’s by eleven. Remember to pick up the flowers and the rings on your way here,” Zhuo Cheng nagged before hanging up without a goodbye. _Typical Jiang Cheng,_ Yi Bo thought to himself.

The youngster let out a soft groan and threw the phone to the side of the bed. He lay motionless, allowing the sunlight that cascaded through the open window above to bathe his body in its perforating warmth. He felt piercing pains in his neck, and his head was spinning, perhaps from the plethora of shots he had downed the night before to numb away his feelings; Yi Bo hated having feelings, they pulverised the forte he had spent years building around him and left him bare.

 _The dream_ had left behind in its wake a lingering feeling of emptiness, like helplessly watching the cold waves lap at the shore but never reaching his bare feet that had grown roots in the sand. The recurring vision had manifested from one of his earliest memories of Xiao Zhan. Yi Bo had never been good at remembering faces and yet, once his gaze befell on Xiao Zhan in a billowy white shirt, laughing until his eyes formed deep crescents amongst the sea of yellow, he knew it was a sight he could never forget. Their first encounter had been in 2017 on a reality show where Yi Bo was a host and Xiao Zhan, a guest. The filming took place on a canola field during White Day and Yi Bo was given a bag as a prop as he had forgotten his own. It wasn’t until later, that he found out from the staff that the bag had belonged to none other than Xiao Zhan.

 _Fate worked in strange ways._ The two met again a year later on the set of The Untamed and his feelings continued to bloom, nurtured by Xiao Zhan’s smile, tears, patience and even in his vexation; Yi Bo enjoyed Xiao Zhan in his myriad of forms. People’s hearts were like deep, dark wells where occasionally fragments of themselves would float to the surface, but with Xiao Zhan, he wore his feelings on his sleeves and it was this part that Yi Bo admired. Throughout the years, the youngster has had many one-nights stands to fill the gaping hole he felt and yet, the verve was only ever momentarily; once the veil of darkness lifted, the fervour would quickly dissipate and, in its remnant, would remain a shell of a person.

With all the force he could muster, he erected his body and sat on the edge of the empty king-sized bed. A sharp pain shot through his head from the sudden movement, splitting it open from within. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so hungover. He lingered in the position, soaking in the stillness of the early morning before standing up and walking towards the mirror on the other side of the bedroom. Despite his insides feeling like it was being set ablaze, his appearance remained untouched. He ran his pale fingers through the mat of dark hair that was the colour of hazelnut and then walked into the kitchen, pouring himself a large cup of cold water of which he downed swiftly. The time on the large clock on the wall read 8:30 a.m.

“Fuck,” Yi Bo cursed under his breath, realising that he had no time for a shower.

He returned to the bedroom and briskly changed out of the clothes from the prior night into a white buttoned up, black suit and thin tie he had prepared the day before. His fingers grazed the bull head necklace that had found a home on his neck. It had been a gift from Xiao Zhan after their filming and he has worn it ever since despite the marks it left on his skin. After a moment of hesitation, he decided to tuck it inside his collars, safely out of sight. 

As he was leaving the house, his mobile phone vibrated inside his pocket; it was Xiao Zhan. Reluctantly, he swiped to answer and secured the mobile between his ear and shoulder while putting on his shoes.

“Wang Lao Shi, where are you?” the familiar voice asked, nonchalantly, carelessly. There were sounds of laughter and chatter resonating in the background. 

Yi Bo swallowed down the lump forming at his throat and responded through shallow breaths, “Ge, I am on my way to pick up the flowers and rings now.”

“Bo-di, are you okay? You don’t sound well…”

Yi Bo could hear the genuine concern permeating through Xiao Zhan’s voice; he wasn’t making this any easier.

“I'm fine. It’s your big day Zhan-ge. I’m so happy for you,” Yi Bo replied, his eyes pressed shut, and he feigned a laughter, but he knew his efforts were lost on Xiao Zhan who could read the spaces between his utterances, who knew what he would say before he speaks, who knew which direction he would take before he walks. Despite this, Xiao Zhan does not see the brightest stars that align in Yi Bo’s eyes each time he gazes at the elder, he does not see Yi Bo’s ears blushing each time they touch, and he does not see the lopsided smile that lights up his face only in Xiao Zhan’s presence.

Perhaps, it wasn’t that he couldn’t see, but that he chose not to.

“Bo-di, thank you for being my best man. It means the world to me, really,” Xiao Zhan said, his voice firm and yet also gentle, like a fleeting downpour in the midst of summer.

At that the line went silent.

“Anything for you Ge. As long as you’re happy,” Yi Bo spoke a second too late and the utterances became lost inside the void, forever unheard. 


	2. Blue

Yi Bo came to a gradual halt on his motorbike as the streetlight turned red. He shifted uncomfortably in the dark, woollen suit that clung to his body like an extra layer of skin. Furrowing his brows that were damped with sweat, he loosened the tie at his neck, stippled with white flowers. It was a typical summer morning in the crowded Luohu District of Shenzhen. The luminous sun sat high against the blue sky, and young people moved about the streets in colourful clothing like clusters of blooming flowers.

A thin, lopsided smile etched across Yi Bo’s face as a wave of nostalgia washes over him. There had been a time when he too had smile without restraint, believing that days like these would be endless and Xiao Zhan would always remain by his side. After the popularity of The Untamed, the world had been their oyster, and Yi Bo had kept telling himself _tomorrow, tomorrow I will tell him._ But _tomorrows_ quickly became _yesterdays_ that slipped through the fissures of his fingers like falling sand, forming a mound of regret.

Throughout the years, there had been countless times when he had found himself swimming in the gentle currents of Xiao Zhan’s gaze, and in those moments, he had almost allowed the words to slip. _Almost. Always almost._ Yet, before the thoughts solidified into sounds, he would breathe in the utterances, and in its place, he would leave a flattering remark which would always result in the other replying with, _it’s starting already?_ But to Yi Bo the important question was when does it end.

When the light turned green, Yi Bo made a sharp turn at the boulevard and drove to the end of the street where the small florist nestled between a fabric shop and a café. He parked his bike and then entered the dimly lit room that was enveloped in an earthy and verdant musk. Yi Bo picked up a bouquet of white and dust pink peonies from a petite shopkeeper who spent the entire time glancing at him with eyes made of stars. After she had finished wrapping, Yi Bo threw the bouquet inside his oversized backpack and made a swift departure. Climbing back on his motorbike, he continued his journey, manoeuvring between the crowded Beijing traffic towards Tiffany & Co. that was located on the other side of town.

He made it to jewellery store by 10 a.m. Wiping off the droplets of sweat that beaded his skin, he entered the grey building and retrieved the silver, satin wedding bands he had chosen with Xiao Zhan the month prior to the wedding day. He remembered vividly the way his best friend’s eyes had glistened and his lip arched into a wide, toothy smile as he caught sight of the rings inside the glass cabinet.

He had pointed and exclaimed excitedly, akin to a child picking out a Christmas gift, “That’s the one Yi Bo! What do you think?” And Yi Bo had nodded mindlessly, heartbroken but feigning a smile as he silently studied the shimmer that danced in Xiao Zhan’s eyes, undulating with pure mirth. In that moment, Yi Bo had watched like a helpless fool as the centre of his universe collapsed into folds. Despite the heartache, he still found comfort in the fact that Xiao Zhan continued to smile even if it wasn’t for him.

Like he had always wished for, Xiao Zhan's fiancé was not a celebrity but a renowned lawyer who worked for one of the largest firms in China. She was two years older and possessed an understated type of beauty. The pair had their first encounter at a charity event, followed by an official date arranged by a mutual friend; they were engaged six months later.

Shaking away the thought, Yi Bo packed the rings into his bag and made his way into the crowd. It took him almost half-an hour to arrive at the Xiao Zhan's apartment due to the heavy traffic. After pressing the doorbell multiple times and receiving no response, Yi Bo punched in the code to the apartment and let himself in. The lounge room of ivory walls and floor was flooded in the blinding, morning light that streamed through the glass door, leading out to the balcony. 

Yi Bo placed his bag and helmet onto the marble kitchen bench and called for Xiao Zhan to no avail. Casually, the youngster made his way into the bedroom where a freshly ironed navy suit hung on the wall, besides the open window. He could hear the rushing of water in the conjoining en-suite. Still feeling the alcohol, he escaped his blazer and unloosened his tie, finding a home in the corner of Xiao Zhan’s large bed. Enervation lulled Yi Bo in and out of sleep to the familiar, dewy scent that lingered on the pillow beneath.

He was startled awake to a sudden weight on his chest. He shot up to find Xiao Zhan hovering above him with a wide grin and a pillow in hand. Yi Bo groaned and fired the pillow beneath his head at the looming figure.

“Ge! Please!” the youngster grumbled, throwing the blanket over his head.

At this, Xiao Zhan pounced on top of him, his slender fingers searching for Yi Bo beneath the mound of fabric.

“Wang Yi Bo! Yi Bo! Where are you? Wang Yi Bo!” the elder jibed, reaching for his wrist and the other flinched at the touch. Yi Bo lay motionless, his lips curved into a slight smile as he felt Xiao Zhan’s bony fingers clasp his hand, running his thumb in circles on the surface of Yi Bo's palms and yet, the touch slipped away as quickly as it had arrived, leaving a tremor in its wake. Grimacing, Yi Bo peeked his head through the blanket to meet Xiao Zhan’s beaming face with cheeks the colour of rose. His black hair was still damp, dripping water on an oversized white shirt. The youngster’s heart tugged with a sudden longing to touch the other, to hold him, but instead, his hand formed a fist that thumped lightly against Xiao Zhan’s shoulder whose eyes widened with feigned hurt.

“Ge, I’m so sleepy,” Yi Bo purred, with eyes half-shut.

“You little gremlin. Why are you sleeping? We need to be at the ceremony soon,” Xiao Zhan smiled, grabbing hold of Yi Bo’s hands within his own before he could land another hit. Yi Bo pulled away swiftly.

“What time did you come home last night?” Xiao Zhan inquired, as he changed into a white buttoned up shirt. Yi Bo painfully got out of bed for the second time that morning and pulled on his blazer, each movement heavy from the dull pain that suffused his body.

“None of your business,” he retorted, brushing back his loosely permed locks in front of the bedside mirror. He observed Xiao Zhan’s expression in the reflection, concerned that he had heard the bite in his tone, but this did not seem to be the case.

Xiao Zhan turned to face him with a playful scowl, his shirt half done, “Bo-di, how much did you drink last night?”

“Zhan-ge, I’m not a kid anymore,” Yi Bo replied defensively, placing the brush on the table. The smile on his face dissipated, replaced by a grimace.

Xiao Zhan reached out and playfully ruffled Yi Bo's freshly styled hair, chiming, “Yes, our Yi Bo has grown up well.”

At this, Yi Bo blurted in frustration, “GE! I’ve been in the industry for longer than you!”

“Ah, that’s right. Yi Bo _sunbae_. I have much to learn from you,” the elder chuckled, his cheeks pushing against his eyes that formed two, dark slits. 

Usually, Yi Bo enjoyed their banters but he was not in the mood today and in his annoyance, he turned to face the other, staring him dead in the eye.

“Xiao Zhan, stop it,” he said through grit teeth, controlling the tremble in his voice as his gaze linger on the person that had brought about waves of euphoria and sorrow in the last three years. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gazed at Xiao Zhan’s face so intently but here, under the morning sunlight, he noticed the traces of tiredness under his eyes. 

Seeing the palpable hurt in Yi Bo’s face, the elder bit his lip apologetically, knowing that he had overstepped the line.

“I’m sorry Yi Bo, I was wrong. Forgive me,” Xiao Zhan chimed gently, scunching the bridge of his nose. He pulled on his jacket and placed a small boutonnière made of a white rose and lavender into Yi Bo’s palm.

“Ge, turn this way,” Yi Bo gestured with a thin, lopsided smirk as he took a step closer to Xiao Zhan.

“Thank you for everything. Yi Bo, I really mean it. I couldn’t have done this without you,” Xiao Zhan spoke, his voice dropping to a murmur and his gaze earnest, as the other tried to slide the pin through the lapel of his suit jacket.

“What do you mean? It’s your wedding. You…,” Yi Bo stammered, “ _You both_ deserve this.”

The younger could feel Xiao Zhan’s steady heartbeat beneath his fingers as he struggled to adjust the pin. In that moment, as he caught the diminutive smile forming at the corner of Xiao Zhan’s lips while his eyes became lost in a time and place that did not belong to the here and now, Yibo came to the heartbreaking realisation that he was not his to keep. There was a sense of resolution as the pin clicked into place. Releasing his hands, Yi Bo took a step backwards as if setting the elder free.

“Are you ready?” Yi Bo asked.

Xiao Zhan smiled nervously, “Do I look okay?”

“Zhan-ge always look perfect,” the youngster jested as they departed the apartment, shoulders touching. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest readers, 
> 
> Chapter 2 is finally complete (I can sleep now!)  
> I was half asleep when I wrote this chapter so please forgive any shortcomings.  
> Also, I was listening to Xiao Zhan's song - "满足" (Satisfied) on replay as I was writing this chapter. 
> 
> Ta!  
> vvhale


	3. White

At their arrival, Zhuo Cheng and Yu Bin were waiting at the entrance to the courtyard. They were standing beneath the ceremonial gates made of flying eave roofs and frames painted of dark red and green. It was turning out to be a fine day with the occasional blots of clouds floating across blue azure above. The tea ceremony and reception were to take place at a resort that stood on the historical grounds from the Qing Dynasty. Within the sweltering summer air and quaint surrounding, Yi Bo felt like he had been taken back to the filming of Chén Qíng Lìng when the long days melted into longer nights due to the ceaseless hours of filming in the stifling heat.

However, he always looked back to those days with fondness.

He recalled standing shoulder to shoulder, watching the summer showers that seemed like it had no start nor end, speaking about their hopes for the future from the rooftop while gazing at the distant stars, growing so tired that their voices were barely whispers, and the banters and beatings in between filming to keep themselves awake. Throughout that summer, it was as if they inhabited a small corner of the world, a corner that belonged to them and them only. 

“You guys are late!” Zhuo Cheng scolded, fussing over Yi Bo’s hair that had become tousled during the motorcycle ride. 

“Xiao Zhan, the make-up artist and hair stylist are waiting for you inside,” Yu Bin remarked, ushering them into the courtyard.

The large, open space was made of ceramic tiles and enclosed by historical buildings redolent of a time past. Wait staff in crisp white shirts moved about, efficiently and effortlessly, in preparation for the banquet that would be held later in the afternoon. The courtyard was decorated with round tables covered in bright, red tablecloths with garlands of fresh peonies, garden roses and berries. The four manoeuvred through the crowd of people, ducking beneath wooden ladders where staff were stringing orbs of lanterns.

“Zhan-ge, we should have gone with white tablecloths,” Yi Bo quipped with a smirk to which Xiao Zhan turned to him with an incredulous expression.

“Xiao Zhan, your parents were here earlier but they’ve stepped out to purchase some stuff for the tea ceremony,” Yu Bin who was walking in front remarked, slowing down his stead.

“Are my two high school friends here yet?” Xiao Zhan questioned to which Zhuo Cheng nodded.

“And Xuan Lu-jie?” the soon-to-be groom added, his face growing flustered.

“She messaged me that she’s on her way,” Yu Bin assured. 

The four escaped the bustle and moved into a quiet quarter that was adjacent to the hotel suites. Yi Bo was just shy of Xiao Zhan’s step, gazing at his familiar backside. The sunlight undulated with his movement, as he forged ahead towards a future that did not include him. _Yi Bo, you need to stop being so dramatic, he had thought to himself_. Catching the tremor in Xiao Zhan’s finger, Yi Bo reached out and tugged at the sleeve on his suit jacket, assuring him in a soft but firm tone, as the elder had always done for him, “Ge, it’ll be okay.”

Xiao Zhan responded with a tired smile, but grateful nonetheless.

“Thanks Wang Lao Shi.”

They finally arrived at their hotel room and upon entering, were greeted by Jia Ming and Zheng Yi who were Xiao Zhan’s childhood friends. Yi Bo had met both a couple of times during his visits to Xiao Zhan’s hometown in Chongqing.

“Wang Yi Bo!” the taller, Jia Ming, exclaimed giving him a warm hug.

“Ge! It’s been too long!” Yi Bo replied with a grin.

At this, Xiao Zhan gave his friend a side-eye and griped, “Wow! Fu Jia Ming! You’re really something. It’s your best friend’s wedding and you only care for Yi Bo!”

The other smiled cheekily and pulled Xiao Zhan into an embrace.

“It’s because he’s more handsome than you,” he jested and continued, “congratulations bro,” patting the groom’s shoulder.

Zheng Yi, who was the more reserved of the two, adjusted his glasses and reluctantly moved in for a quick hug.

While Xiao Zhan was getting his make-up and hair done, Yi Bo stepped outside for some fresh air. There remained a dull throb at his temples, and the room had felt suffocating with the boisterous laughter and chatter that escaped him. Not wanting to bring down the mood, he had found a bench in the garden beneath the shades of a large Bauhinia tree where he laid his body, pillowing his head on his hands and drifted into a light sleep. Once more, he dreamed of their first meeting.

“Yi Bo, Wang Yi Bo,” he felt a firm grip on his shoulder. 

He opened his eyes to the sight of Xuan Lu, smiling over him, the same, mild smile she always wore as the beloved _Jiang Yanli_.

He sat up painfully and moved his leg to the ground so the other could sit down.

“Jie-jie, you’re here. Zhan-ge is looking for you,” Yi Bo murmured, rubbing the sleep from his eye.

“How are you feeling?” Xuan Lu questioned, sitting herself down on the bench besides him.

“Not great. I drank too much last night. I can barely keep my eyes open,” he replied, his gaze fixed on a leaf fluttering across the ground.

They sat in the comfortable lull of the quiet garden with the occasional rustling of leaves each time a warm breeze travelled past.

Xuan Lu was the first to speak.

"Yi Bo…”

He turned to meet her gaze.

She hesitated for a brief moment as if in deep thought and then continued, “Are you going to tell him how you feel?”

Yi Bo had to stop his mouth from becoming agape and quickly forced down the bile that rose at his throat.

“What? Did you think we couldn’t tell?” she queried with a thin smile.

His bewildered expression softened, as he stared into the pair of benevolent eyes in front of him.

 _She knew_.

He dropped his head to his lap in defeat.

“No. Not today, not ever. Zhan-ge is happy and that’s all that matters.”

“And what about your happiness?” Xuan Lu retorted, her brows knitting together.

Yi Bo let out a sigh of exasperation. He had forgone his own happiness the moment he cleaved out his heart and handed it to Xiao Zhan, still beating, still warm. He smiled like a fool each time the elder entered the room, pined for his affection with eyes that linger; he even drew a heart on the back of his hand and completed it with a black dot redolent of the mole beneath Xiao Zhan’s lips, wishing that each part would find its match. While Xiao Zhan spoke to Yi Bo with words, Yi Bo spoke to Xiao Zhan with feelings; feelings that the elder could not see, _not today, not ever_.

“Jie, forget it,” he replied, as the others began moving into the garden.

Xuan Lu turned to Yi Bo, still wearing a thin smile on her face.

“Yi Bo, should we not live just because we know we will die one day?”

She turned towards the emerging crowd but before standing up, she passed Yi Bo a swift glance and if eyes could speak, hers would say: _it’s better to tell than not to tell, it’s better to know than not to know._

Xiao Zhan was the last to exit the room and while Yi Bo had seen him dressed up countless times for end of year events, he had never seen him like this. He moved gracefully towards Yi Bo in the navy suit and white shirt that fitted his slender frame like a glove. His dark hair was comb back with a slight wave of the fringe cascading on his forehead, and his eyelids shimmered a soft shade of peach each time it caught light.

“Wow! Zhan-ge! So handsome!” Yi Bo exclaimed after composing himself. He created camera frames out of his fingers and stored the moment in his heart.

Xiao Zhan beamed and for a moment, Yi Bo forgot how to breathe.

“Is it starting Lao Wang?” the elder jived, giving him a gentle smack on the arm.

Xiao Zhan who noticed Xuan Lu standing on the side, smiling kindly at their banter, rushed over and gave her a warm hug.

The group stood around the open garden, catching up with each other’s lives until Xiao Zhan’s parents arrived. With the groom’s party completed, they made their way by foot to the west end of the resort where the bridal party awaited. Traditionally, the tea ceremony was held at the bride’s family home; however, as Xiao Zhan’s fiancé’s family lived in the coastal province of Jiangsu, they decided it was more convenient for everything to take place in one venue. Zhuo Cheng provided everyone with a prop and Yi Bo received the confetti cannon to which he was grateful for as it was more modest than the gong and trumpet which was given to Yu Bin and Jia Ming, respectively.

They traversed to the other end of the resort under the sweltering, summer heat. By the time they crowded at the door to the bride's room, Yi Bo’s hair and inner shirt was soaked with sweat and his ears and cheeks were flushed red. At their arrival, the bridesmaids were already standing at the entrance, giggling and blushing at the party of handsome, young men done up to the tens.

Yi Bo, who felt uncomfortable around strangers, loitered in the back with Xuan Lu.

"Okay, Xiao Zhan, you need to choose a member from your groom’s party for this game. If you fail, we will not let you through!” a lady with curls and half-done hairdo shrilled between giggles.

Without missing a beat, Xiao Zhan spun around and called out, “Wang Lao Shi!”

Reluctantly, Yi Bo moved to the front where he found a place next to the beaming groom, adorning a weary smile.

“Okay, groomsman, we will ask you a series of questions and you must answer all of them correctly or else the groom may not enter,” another of the bridesmaid exclaimed, pulling out a series of question cards.

 _Or I could just answer them all incorrectly and there’ll be no wedding_ … Yi Bo thought bitterly, trying to subside his expression of exasperation; he hated the tedious traditions of weddings.

“Okay, first question! What is the groom’s birthdate?”

The youngster almost scoffed at how easy the question had been.

“5th of October 1991. Making him an old man,” Yi Bo smirked and resulted in Xiao Zhan giving him a facetious scowl. The date had been inscribed in his mind as it had become a tradition they shared to stay up till midnight each year and countdown each other’s birthdays.

“Next,” Yi Bo said, motioning a swipe with his hand.

“Okay, what about the type of movies Xiao Zhan dislikes the most?” another bridesmaid with a blunt bob cut chimed in.

Once again, too easy.

“Horror,” Yi Bo asserted with smug confidence.

He recalled a memory of going to the movies with Xiao Zhan whereby both had spent most of the film clinging to each other’s sleeves while covering their eyes.

“Finally, is Xiao Zhan a cat or dog person?”

Yi Bo pretended to struggle with the question by putting on a grimace.

“Wang Yi Bo, you know the answer! Stop pretending!” Xiao Zhan cried, giving him a playful tap on the chest.

“Dog,” the youngster responded with a lopsided smirk.

“But he also owns a cat,” he added on second thought.

A bridesmaid in the back hollered loudly, “But more importantly, is the groomsman single?” 

This resulted in stifled giggles from the surrounding crowd. 

“Yes, but he is not interested in whoever is asking,” Yi Bo retorted bluntly, moving to the back. He briefly caught a glimpse of the crinkle forming on Xiao Zhan’s nose bridge, as his eyebrows knitted together to form a slight frown. Xiao Zhan always told him to play nice and he usually listened to the elder, but today, of all day, he was too tired to care about such facile social etiquettes.

Xiao Zhan was finally allowed to enter the room after completing a set of twenty push-ups and then singing a song to the crowd. Yi Bo could not help the expression of disbelief that formed on his face – _the girl was getting married to THE Xiao Zhan, and she was making it so difficult._ Finally, the bridesmaids opened the door and allowed the groom’s party to enter.

Chen Nian, the bride, was awaiting inside adorning a long, red _cheongsam_ with gold flowers embroidery. She possessed an understated elegance and natural beauty that was emphasised by the minimal makeup and simple black hair to which she braided to the side. Despite his feelings towards Xiao Zhan, Yi Bo could find no fault in her. Within the small room, Zhuo Zheng lit the firecrackers to which the bride stepped over to ward away bad luck. The beautiful couple then bowed and served tea to their families and received red envelopes as a sign of well wishes. 

During the entire ceremony, Yi Bo stood at the back with a forced smile as his heart grew heavier while silently watching the smile on Xiao Zhan’s face grow wider with passing time. Finally, the groom and bride departed the room and strolled into the adjoining garden with the guests trailing behind. Yi Bo released the confetti cannon and a downpour of golden speckles submerged the beautiful pair. He watched Xiao Zhan’s backside move through the veil of confetti and for a split second, he turned his head and smiled warmly at Yi Bo.

The setting sun turned the blue sky into a swirling wildfire of red, orange and purple.

The groom’s party returned to the main courtyard where the reception would be held. Xiao Zhan left to change into his second outfit while the others divised roles amongst themselves to assist in preparing for the banquet. 

Yi Bo and Yu Bin were assigned to arranging name-cards to the respective seats.

“Have you practised your speech?” Yu Bin asked as they were finalising the last table.

“Yes, but I’m starting to feel nervous,” the youngster responded, feeling his breast pocket to ensure that his palm cards were still intact. The busy day had almost estranged the speech from his mind.

“Don’t be nervous. No one knows Xiao Zhan like you do. You guys have a really special bond. We can all see it."

Yu Bin offered a warm smile to which Yi Bo returned.

“Ge, what do you mean?” Yi Bo questioned, fiddling with the name card he was holding.  
  
“It’s like you and Xiao Zhan are always in your own little world and no one else can touch it, and I think that it’s a beautiful and rare thing to have,” Yu Bin spoke, deliberating over each word.

Yi Bo tilted his head, pretending confusion but the truth was, Yu Bin's speech had encapsulated exactly how he felt when he was with Xiao Zhan; the rest of the passing world faded in oblivion and all that encompassed his periphery was the elder. 

The guests began arriving at 7p.m. The sun had dissipated and in its remnant was a full moon that shone brightly against the navy sky speckled with stars. The lanterns were lit, flooding the courtyard in puddles of light. 

Yi Bo was in charge of ushering the guests and as such, he had a plethora of elders asking for his number for their 'beautiful' granddaughters or daughters to which he politely declined. He came to the realisation that for the remainder of his life, he may never meet anyone who could fill the void that was Xiao Zhan.

After 30 minutes of forcing on a smile until his cheeks hurted, he moved inside for the commencement of the reception. 

Yi Bo found his seat in between Xuan Lu and Hai Kuan, his brother from Gusu, who arrived late due to work schedule. The entire crowd went silent at the arrival of the bride who wore a long, white lace dress that accentuated her slender frame. She walked down the red carpet that ran along the centre of the courtyard, leading to Xiao Zhan who was standing at the end of the path, wearing a nicely fitted black suit and a bow tie at the neck. Yi Bo's gaze remained fixed on the immaculate elder. His dark eyes alight as if they were staring at the brightest stars picked from the night sky. 

After the bride and groom were seated, Yi Bo was called up for his speech. His breathing became shallow as he slowly ascended from his chair amidst a sea of staring eyes but most importantly, he saw Xiao Zhan smiling reassuringly from the table near the front. He passed a fleeting glance at Xuan Lu whose eyes once again affirmed , _it's better to speak than not to speak, it's better to know than not to know._

He walked slowly, steady to the front. There was a growing sense of decisiveness with each of his step. He took the microphone and faced the crowd that was now faceless shadows against the harsh stage light and reached for the notes in his pocket. He allowed them to cascade to the ground. 

"I have regrets," he spoke, loudly, clearly. He was suddenly no longer afraid, like freeing himself from the garments that restricted his body; he was finally free, naked. He saw Yu Bin and Xuan Lu smiling at the corner of his eye. 

"I should have told you earlier but I was afraid. But I'm not afraid anymore. I'm too tired to feel afraid. I have loved you since the moment I saw you. Not on the set of The Untamed but even before that. On the canola field, the day you lent me your bag. I kept that image of you in my heart and I dream about it everyday. I love everything about you, your smile, your tears, your anger. I love the way you understand me like the back of your hands, the way you can see me, really see me. I love your terrible dancing and your beautiful voice, I love your lame jokes but also your articulation and wit. I love it when you get annoyed but also your patience. I love you, all of you, in your best and worst forms, and I don't care how you feel because it's better to tell than not to tell, it's better to know than not to know..."

He took a deep breath, trying to control the tremble in his body. He had delivered his speech in what felt like one breath and now he was waiting for the incoming storm. Despite this, he was overcome with a surprising calmness. 

The background noise gradually faded into silence, as Xiao Zhan stormed towards him, his eyebrows forming a deep frown and visible tears were streaming down face. 

"You idiot!" the elder yelled. 

He raised his arm and Yi Bo closed his eyes, preparing for the impact but instead, he felt a surprising warmth permeate his body as Xiao Zhan pulled him into a tight embrace. He could feel hot tears wetting his shoulders as the other leaned in and whispered, gently but firmly, "I have regrets too."

**EPILOGUE:**

_Xiao Zhan caught glances of the young man in the maroon jacket whose laughter filled the clear, blue sky above. Amongst, the glow of the beautiful canola flowers, he could not take his eyes off the striking stranger whose hair was the colour of hazlenut. There was something alluring in his alooftness as if he did not have a care for the world and it is this freedom that Xiao Zhan both admired and envied._

_So when the staff approached him and asked to borrow his bag for the young man by the name of WANG Yi Bo, he had swiftly agreed. Believing it was some call of fate, he had imagined the myriad of ways to introduce himself:_

**_Ah, you’re the one who borrowed my bag for the filming! Nice to meet you. I’m Xiao Zhan._ **

_And in his mind he would extend his arm through the open space and their hands would meet, just for a moment. The thought was enough to make him happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest readers,
> 
> Thank you for following this brief journey.  
> It took me forever to write chapter 3 as I had a plethora of real-life stuff going on but also, because I was indecisive as to how to end the story... 
> 
> I hope the ending was satisfying (enough) and as always, please forgive any shortcomings!
> 
> Till next time!


End file.
